My Dad passed away this morning....

It happened so fast. His breathing became such a struggle in the middle of the night. I called home health nurse to assess him at 6am. His lungs filled with fluid  in just a few hours. 

The ER doctor suspected a pulmonary embolism. 

I'm so thankful for the time I had to be with him the last few months. 

Thank you everyone for your living comments to my previous post. 

 Much love to you all,

Robin

Been away so long......

It's been such a very long time since I've posted here. So much has happened , many things are still ongoing. 

I've not said anything , because my Father is a very proud, private person. We didn't even inform any family when he was hospitalized the first time at his request. But things have changed .......

He had heart troubles in April, and being that I am the only child near him , I became his caretaker. 

My mother passed awAy when I was 15 yo and there was my older brother , by two years and my baby sister. ,  8 years younger. 

I assisted in caring for my mother while she was home for a temp stay , on a waiting list to get into a local nursing home. She had numerous strokes and at 37 years old, was left with paralysis and inability to speak. Her mind was still sharp as a tack, and she would point to letters of the alphabet to spell out words and sentences and let me tell you , no one could keep up with her. Everyone was forced to ask her to please slow down..... Lol

During this time I also was sole caregiver to my younger sister. She was my baby. But you can just imagine how difficult this was for a 14 year old to juggle these responsibilities along with the awkwardness of puberty and school. I had no social life for many months. 

But..... Looking back, I don't regret the hardship. I believe it gave me a stronger sense of compassion and caring. I'm soooo not perfect. , but I shudder to think  what I may have been like had I not had these events in my life. 

Fast foreword to now. 

After my 81 year old father had a stent placed in his heart, things began to change. 

Like I said. , I had an older brother , sadly he was killed in a car accident at the age of 23 , drunk driving. 

My baby sister was living near Pittsburgh at the time my father fell ill, and then moved to.  North Carolina , where her husband had been transferred to for his job. 

Now, almost 2 years ago , remember my husband and I happened to find what I like to refer to as my forever home. 

This new home happens to be exactly. 1.1 miles from my father's house. 

After his procedure and short hospital stay, I began calling and visiting more often  , as the nurse in me was compelled. The daughter. , not so much. Don't get me wrong , I do love my Dad, but our relationship has been strained since I was a teen. Especially after those years while my mother was sick. 

My Father was an alcoholic , and most of the time , he was not a happy drunk. 

When I left home after I got pregnant and married the high school sweetheart love of my life... Still together after 37 years , I didn't have much of a relationship with my father. 

He remarried right after my Mom died ( he has since divorced )and this also added stress to an already almost non- existent relationship. 

The topper..... My Father for whatever reason , was not at all interested in being a Grandfather. 

It was hurtful having a father who was healthy, active. , he hunted and fished and yet never showed an interest in inviting even 1 of my four boys along. He showed up to Birthdays and Christmas's only at the insistence of my stepmother. 

And , he actually had to ask me everytime the subject of one of my daughters came up, what their names were. 

Once again, fast foreword to now. 

I noticed a significant change in my Dad's behavior and personality as the weeks went by following his hospitalization. 

His short term memory was terrible and he began to display compulsive behaviors. He was confused more and more. It was now necessary for me to be at his home twice a day every day to dispense his medication and check his blood sugar. He could no longer understand the directions on his medication bottles , I tried sorting them into two separate little divided containers but he still got confused and either skipped his meds or over medicated himself.  Then he began to have dizzy spells. Once, he fell into my lap and was incoherent. I had to ease him to the floor and then he awoke. Another hospital visit occurred, when while we were getting ready for a checkup with his family physician, he became dizzy and passed out across his bed and was unresponsive. I had to call 911 and he was taken to the. ER and was diagnosed with hyponatremia( low sodium levels in his blood. ) in fact , his level was so low , Dr was surprised he was not in a coma. 

After 5 days in the hospital , running back and forth and taking care of him and his home  , he was sent home with new meds.  A Kidney specialist was now consulted and this resulted in increased blood labs to be done , more trips to the Dr and he was now unable to safely get behind the wheel of the car and drive. 

He was angry with his Dr and anyone else he felt was responsible for ordering an upcoming driving test to assess whether his license should be revoked or not. That test never even took place .....

His appetite began to dwindle and add to that , he was still not very steady and still very confused , I now needed to be at his home more and more to prepare meals and encourage and keep track of his food intake. 

Over the few months that passed we talked , laughed ... He yelled at me out of frustration, I cried, still very much intimidated by this man who in reality was a far cry from the mean , drunk he once was. 

My father also happened to have the very beginning stages of emphysema  and an annoying cough that began to get increasingly worry some. 

During these last 4 months , I have been the sole caretaker for my Dad. I've watched his health decline drastically and  been witness to the loss of his mental abilities as well. 

He has called me at all hours of the day and night with real true emergencies and questions about simple things that have been repeated to him over and over and over again. In the midst of all this , my father learned to trust me. He relies on me and he respects my Nursing abilities( I'm an LPN ) .

The latest hospital visit occurred after a routine Dr visit ended up with an order to go directly to the hospital as it was determined he now had an irregular and rapid heartbeat ( A fib) that if untreated could result in cardiac arrest. 

The hospital stay previously had revealed a suspicious area on his left lung. 

After 3 weeks and cat scans , bronchoscopes and biopsies he has been diagnosed with small cell cancer of the lung. It is an aggressive , fast growing cancer. It is inoperable. 

He received his first round of chemo and is very sick right now. 

I was unable to spend Thanksgiving with my family, as it was necessary for me to live in his home 24/7 during that week. He could not be left alone for any amount if time and sadly he still has no desire to be involved with my children or his great grandchildren. He insisted he wanted no visitors whatsoever and I had to respect his wishes. But.... I hold no anger or bitterness toward him over this , only sadness at his loss. My family is wonderful and at his request, he is missing out on what could be something wonderful. 

I've had my Dad clutch at my arm begging me not to leave his side. I've had him scream in anger and frustration at me , because his coffee was too cold. He has looked into my eyes with tears in his ,as he apologized for yelling. He thanks me over and over for simply fixing his pillow, offering a sip of water or very carefully allowing him what dignity he has left as I shower him and turn away as he dries himself and struggles to put his underpants on before I finish dressing him. 

My sister has driven from NC  , back and forth , twice now and is staying here with him for a few weeks during his first round of chemo. I'm so grateful to her for this. 

He is weak , sick and struggles for his every breath. Back in April he weighed about 170 lbs. he can't be any more than 135 lbs now and continues to lose weight. 

I've struggled with self pity and cried in pain from the physical exhaustion. I'm not in the greatest health and I suffer from debilitating osteoarthritis , both knees need total replacements. I've missed meals , a few times went to bed at  night after only a bowl of soup all day ,not good for someone with Type II Diabetes. I've only been home for dinner maybe 5 times in 4 months and slept in , the same amount of times. I have stayed home the entire day once during all this time. 

And now, after all of this , all I can think of is how fortunate I am to be ABLE to do this for him. 

I've soul searched and not always liked what I've discovered, these last few months,  but oh the lessons I have learned !!

A year ago I cried many times because I had few opportunities to even leave my house and now I barely remember what it's like to stay home 2 days in a row. 

My sister and I are now faced with the agonizing decision to place my Father in a Nursing Home, even if only temporarily as neither of us are able to continue caring for him at home and he is getting sicker and weaker. 

The prognosis isn't good at all ,the Dr stated from the beginning that chemo would not do much but was more of a courtesy since my Father stated he'd like to give it a try. 

If he is able to stay lucid and decides he no longer wishes to receive treatment we may be able to get relief with Hospice. 

Prayers are appreciated. 

Sorry this post is so long , but I just felt the need to write this all out. ???? 

I miss you all !!

God Bless You,

Robin

Nice Saturday !...Little bit of this...Little Bit of That .....

New " JACK " Punch Needle Design  & Little Punkin Lady started.

Hi All ..... It's a really nice Saturday out there ! Weather is warm ( not hot), Sunny, perfect !
I've been working a little here and there on my Sunflower rug ....It's slow going ...I have so many other things I want to get finished....

I have a new design and pattern in the works called " JACK " ..... see pic above...
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Here is a little more progress on my sunflower rug...Why oh why can't I seem to just finish one thing at a time ???

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Primitive Handmades Mercantile New Website and August Update

I was merrily going along, thinking I was on top of the game.....I was sure that this month for the PHM update, I would have multiple items finished and on my page BEFORE the deadline....I began a small rug as one of my new items..It is a design from my Sunflower Doodle Booklet....All was well in my world...THEN...I realized the update was THIS week !!! I was certain it wasn't until next week.....!!! I have 2 calendars in  my studio and my phone and computer.....did I once take the time to LOOK !!!!???????NOOOOOOO ......
So above is the beginning of my rug, which, if I can finish it in next few days, I will add it to my page at PHM....
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We have an all new website for PHM now, and have added new artists !!!
We are still in the process of changing the domain locations so, for now just Click Here , and check out all the gal's new creations !!
thanks much !!
Robin

My Freebie Pattern in The Wool Street Journal...Another doodle booklet " Jack O' Lantern Party

Wayyyyy back in March, I think, I was talking about my "secret project"....Then things suddenly got even more crazy than they normally are here....lol. I was asked to do a freebie rug hooking pattern for the Wool Street Journal Magazine. I drew up my design and began to hook it...It is a bit larger than I am used to, so it did take me awhile...
I never posted the finished project on my blog...so here it is !! If you click on the wool street journal up above it will take you to their site. Order the current issue for my pattern or better yet, subscribe today.
Teresa of Teresa's Primitive Treasures is also in the magazine and we both have featured articles..It was so exciting to have this opportunity !!!
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I also finished up another doodle booklet. This a great Fall/ Halloween Booklet ....It's called " Jack O' Lantern Party"...

Here is a sample of the designs inside.

 

I don't have it listed on Pattern Mart yet, but if interested in purchasing, just leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

Thanks for taking a peek !!

Robin

 

 

New Doodle Booklet ....

I've compiled 11 of my Folk Art Doodles into a Booklet. there are seasonal doodles as well as everyday folk art designs.
I'm still working on a new doodle booklet for Fall...Just some touch ups to do....
Have a great evening !!
Robin

All Things Fall Needle Punch complete...and new pattern finished ....

Hello all !! I've been busily working away on some new Fall designs, and here is the all Things Fall completed ...I have to say I do really like this one...( hope its not tooting my own horn ) , but you know how some creations you like and some you LOVE ?? I LOVE this one...I hope you will too !!
It's available for purchase right here or on my PatternMart page ...

I LOVE seeing what you are up to .....

I love this Wool Applique that Roberta of Cottonwood Lane Primitives created, using my Freebie Doodle of Jacks in a Row.... I love how she added the Oct. 31st to it !! And the wools she used are divine !! Thank you so much Roberta, for sending the pic and your kind words of encouragement !!
Remember...I would love to see your handiwork using my designs, and I will post them here on my blog for all to see !! I do apologize, as there are a few folks I know I was lax in posting their pics, when things got really crazy here...I am truly sorry !!
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I have been busy punching away on my "Everything Fall Sampler " Design...It is almost finished and the pattern will be coming very soon !! Here is what I've finished so far ...

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I am going to try and re-vamp my blog again. I want to do something using the fabric I designed through Spoonflower last year. ...going for the Fall look.

 

 

Doing a little doodling...*New* Fall freebie and Punch Needle Design coming soon....

What a GORGEOUS Day here in NW Pa. !! It is 69 degrees super low humidity and sun is shining !! I want to make it outside sometime before the sun goes down, but I've been enjoying the cool breeze coming in through my windows for now.
I finished up a Freebie doodle for you for Fall/Halloween.... and even colored it in....I LOVE playing in my paint program ....
Here is the line drawing.....just remember to please give credit to me as the designer in your descriptions for your finished items.

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I also worked on a new Design for a punch needle pattern, that I am going to start punching tonight.
Here's a sneak peak;

Hope you all have nice weather, and a chance to be creative...but do try to get outside !!
Robin

Primitive Handmades Mercantile July Update

Well Hello !! Guess what ?? It's update time for Primitive  Handmades Mercantile !! Here is a pic of my offerings...Yes, I am back in the land of the "Creative" living , so to speak .
Hope you go and visit  all the other artists.....
Robin

Finally ..A New Doodle Booklet to transition into Fall .......

             Finally....I have cleared my mind of other things that clutter my brain..I just needed to sit and think and start drawing . I decided that since sunflowers bloom and turn to seed late in the summer almost into Fall, that this would be a good "pre-quell or lead-in" to Fall/ Halloween Designs !
There are 3 designs in the booklet and the front cover can also be used for a project.
     I've missed blogging regularly, and really hope to start up again, without breaks of weeks or months in between posts.
I hope you like my new designs, and I'm going to start on Fall and Halloween next !
This booklet is available to purchase on my side line..
Thank you my friends ...
Robin

There is a Season , turn, turn, turn ......

What can I say ??? Time slips away, things happen...life gets busy .. And Seasons change....
I know it is Summer and will be for awhile, but this is the start of a new season for me , at least...
We had a wedding, a new Grandchild , lots of outside and inside work ....now things have settled for a time at least.
I had set up my craft area/ studio in a cute area when we first moved in this house last year..but it was also a high traffic area...too many entrances lead right into and through my supposed ' creative space"....
When my youngest daughter moved out a few months ago, I knew it was time I had my own space, not in an entry and exit way .....
I spent a lot of time, painting some furniture pieces that were given to me and a nice little cubby thingy I got out of the trash during Spring clean up..lol..gotta love other folk's trash, eh ??
Before I post all the pics, I describe some things..
The black on top of the walls was painted by my daughter when we moved in...it is all chalk board paint. She had all of her friends write little messages when they would come over...I wanted it to stay, hoping I could climb my chubby butt up on the ladder and draw and write some cute "artsy stuff " ...I tried...I can only get on the first step of the ladder, unless I have something else taller and sturdier to grab on to....So hubby is going to bring in a large 1 1/2 tall foot wooden platform for me to put the ladder on and move and drag around the room, to finish my project.
The curtains are not my cup o' tea, necessarily, but for now, they at least go with the colors...I hate big huge picture windows.....I really want to put in smaller ones side by side, but cant afford it right now....The front window is larger than the side one and it is HUGE !! I would pay an arm and a leg for shades....I have a smaller curtain just in the middle right now, so that I don't get  creeped out at night when I'm up all alone and don't feel like someone is watching me....lol..the side window is a bit smaller, so the curtains pull all the way across.
So...anyways...Here are the pictures. I really hope to calm my mind and Spirit , and get creative once again, now that I am in this room, with much more privacy.
By the way..Tomorrow is my Birthday !! I am 55 !! I can now go live in a Senior Citizen Community if I want to !! Yay !! lol

Have a great evening everyone !!
Robin

Primitive Handmades Mercantile May Update

Hi there !! I've been absent for so long, my goodness !! All good, busy ....REALLY busy !
I will post a real true blog post here real soon.....honest I will !
For now, I wanted to remind everyone that tonight is the May Update for Primitive Handmades Mercantile .
I have been such a slacker...but I did manage to get this Cabinet door with Hooked Pennies made .
Please go check out all the Artists and their wonderful handmade goods !
Hugs to all,
Robin

A few folks asking about my "He is risen " crossstitch ...

I had a few ladies ask me last year if this was a pattern,,,It was just a stitch as you go I was doing trying my hand at crossstitch which I hadn't done in years..It's crooked and wonky, but primitives...
I asked Betty of Primitive Betty's if she could chart me up a pattern real quick,,,,she was so sweet and did it so fast...so, this is her charting and my ad-lib design....lol
Feel free to copy to your computer and just give credit to Betty and I....
I'll be keeping on my sidebar for a while also.....

hugs,
Robin

Easter Blessings !

What a beautiful day so far...sun shining, warmer temps, but clouds on the Horizon....expecting rain, then snow for a few days, then back to a warm up almost 50. ...yay
Have a blessed Easter Day !!

 

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Robin

Good Friday

Some wool dyeing .... sorting...working on my rug....

Happy Wednesday !
 I'm busy working away on my "secret" rug ....
I did get all the wools....Teresa made a trip down to the wool shop by her , Grant Street Woolworks.
Kathy Harris (woolfind) and Rugs of Mine in Time , works there, and her and Teresa ( with me on the phone...lol ) picked out the perfect wools for this project . Teresa had printed off a copy of my colored in design and went from there... They did a super job !!They even wrote down each element that each wool was being used in and stuffed in to the folded pieces of wool.  I thank them both so much for their time and effort they put into this for me !! Love you guys !!
I wanted this hooking adventure to be a little more planned and organized , and so I cut my strips and printed off what each color was for, onto card stock, punched a hole in the tag and strung a strip through it and bundled them together...what a joy it has been to just grab a worm from each bundle as I need it.

There was only one little problem....the background we chose was just a smidgen too light and blended too much with one of the elements in the rug. I only wanted to go a tiny bit darker .

I got out my dye book and swatches and decided on a color that would work perfect.

I purchased a book by Cathy Meyer of Hooked on Primitives a Rustic Pallette . It's perfect and came with the swatches...

Here's the book ;

Here is the color I chose;

And here is the end result:

 

Sorry...lighting in here stinks... I should have gone in the other room....but it is perfect now, hooked against the lighter object in the rug.

Here is another little goody I purchased recently from Wool-N-Wares on Ebay...I thought it would good for me to help in color planning my future projects.

 

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So it's back to work on my rug, for me... hope you are all being creative or constructive on this fine Wednesday .

Robin

Start on a giveaway pattern...

Last week I won Saundra at Woodland Junction's giveaway , which was an antique adaptation design of Two Roosters facing each other. She drew this out on wonderful hairless linen and like I told her, the wool pulls through this like a hot knife through butter.....lol
I couldn't wait to get at least a start on it, so I threw it on my frame and pulled some loops..
Here is what I have so far :



Finally found out how to get it on straight..yay

Here is the rug that Saundra hooked:

 I only hope mine doesn't embarrass me....lol
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Now....I need to get a start on my "secret rug"....
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Here is one of my beautiful daughters, Taylor . Actually, she is the BABY in the family.
she doesn't do a lot of cooking except for mac n cheese ....lol...
But today, she decided to make Alfredo Spaghetti Bake , and Cheesy Garlic Bread.
Here is my baby Taylor;

Here is her delicious meal :

 

A Freebie Doodle...and......

Not too much going on around here !! I did up a Rooster doodle awhile ago and have played around with it, painted it, wanted to hook it up but never started...and then I found a new way to color in my drawings..it almost looks like watercolor paints... so...I have now decided to offer this as a freebie doodle...It's not super primitive , but I think it's kinda folky .....

I added the text to the colored in doodle.... here is the line drawing :

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I am getting ready to do a big rug...It's a secret , for a secret special thing happening later on this summer....deadline is soon, so I'll be spending most of my time on it...it stinks I can't show you ...
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My oldest daughter Ashley wanted to pick up the hook again...she LOVES sheep , so I drew up a simple designs of a sheep some flowers a border and a date....She just got started...and she says it's like learning all over cause it's been almost a year since she last hooked her first little mat, a crow...
Here is her progress ( she loves black sheep )

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Ok....it's almost bedtime...trying to get on a better , normal ? sleep pattern...no more 3am's for me...we'll see how that works out...lol.

Good night,

Robin

Troubles with Blogger...PHM Update...stuff

Hope you are all having a very blessed, easy , relaxing Sunday today !!
I am just kickin' ( as my daughter would say....lol )
Did you notice my new banner ??? I am now the proud owner of an iPhone4s...I've been due to update my phone for over a year...I had a blackberry, which I loved !! did you see I wrote past tense....loved..
I now LOVE my new phone !! It is beyond amazing and just for the megapixels on the camera ...my old phone had 2 MP...this has 8...what a difference !! I took the pics with my phone and made up the collage in an app for it...having fun !!
Ok...sooo....Thursday night at Midnight was update time for Primitive Handmades Mercantile ...For some reason, blogger was having fits and we almost lost all of our Artists pages...YIKES !! I decided I wasn't touching anything, so I got up early Friday morning to update...it didn't happen..all day there was just one thing after the other....so...yesterday, I begin to update...I had 3 of my items added, pics, descriptions....Internet Explorer decides to shut down on me....nothing was saved !!!
Ok, I'm tenacious....start all over again .....added first items descriptions...add the pic...What ???pics are sideways ???? went into both photo editing programs I have...resaved the photos, right side up....add the pics to Blogger...sideways....I gave up...
Teresa Miller texted me about some PHM business....She called me and I told her about my dilemma...God bless her, she offered to add my items...So...I finally did get updated...
So...go take a peek if interested.....Here is a pic of a pea hen I made up...sanded the fabric right through in some spots...painted and stained and sanded the can it sits in...

I had to post a link from picture trail to get this pic right side up....grrrrrr......
 I had wanted to get my sheep rug finished for the update, but I am working on that in teeny tiny spurts...I'm having a hard time with the Scottich BURLAP....it surprises me how tight the weave is on this and the wool does not pull through nice and smooth.....Oh well...I'll live and just keep at it a little at a time.... :)
Enjoy your Sunday...
Robin

Colonial Floral Fraktur Rug Pattern

I put my adapted drawing for rug hooking and the picture of finished rug and added the colored in doodle,,decided to sell as a pattern.I had quite  a few requests for this design to be made into a hooked rug pattern...I'm so blessed and apreciate each and every one of you, my dear friends and supporters !!





Colonial Fraktur Floral Hooked Rug Design


This is one of my original doodles, adapted for rug hooking. finished rug I made measured 22"x 24".

Price: US$6.00

A wonderful finish by a sweet lady..and just LOTS of stuff....lol

Hello...Today's post is just going to be a menagerie of random pics and stuff going on...
But first...a talented lady , Sandy Lewis, sent me her finished rug, hooked up using my Freebie Rabbit in a Garden..
Cute story about hers...she has an 88 year young neighbor named Gerald.... He is a sweety she says and can be found in his garden all summer long. He gives much of his bounty to the neighbors and is just really such a sweet ol gent !! So , the bunny in the doodle reminded her of Gerald her neighbor, and so that is what she titled her rug...When she told him about it, she said he was tickled....Here is her awesome finished rug :

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Next...I had comments on the sweet hooked Chic in my pic of my Spring corner of my craft area...I did not hook the lovely little chick, and I am so ashamed that I cannot remember for the life of me, who I swapped with from AAPG , that made it... there is no tag on it or signature, and I looked through my other swap goodies around the house and unless they are signed, I can't remember sho made the other goodies either...So, whom-ever you are, nice talented lady...Folks love your hooked chick !!!

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I am so excited about the up-coming Rug Hooking Retreat that I will be attending in April !! Margie of  Hungry Hook Primitives  will be joining Teresa and I for the ride down to WV and is our bunkmate !!!

Isn't that cool ?? I will get to meet her , Joanne McIllmurray of Snippets and Scraps of My Mind ... Lori  Brechlin of Notforgotten Farm... Jeni from Jeni's Blog From the Willow ( she is also an editor for Primitive Quilts and Projects Magazine)... And who knows who else will be there ?? I feel blessed to be going !!!

Well...have I told you what a sweet Hubby ( Randy my love) I have ?? He really is !! He screwed a piece of wood accross the top of one of my little wooden caddies , and mounted my wool cutter on it !! I am all set now and can take my cutter along with me !!

I am thinking of painting and distressing it a bit ...just to dress it up ...:) looks a bit naked with all that natural wood showing...lol

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I worked a little on my "Wool a Plenty " rug...I wanted to see what the wools would look like in different spots, so I started filling in here and there...I had wanted to dye some new colors for this rug, but alas, my life just kept getting in the way...Just can't take the whole day hoggin up the kitchen like that...I need to wait till noone is home!!!

But here is a little more progress and I did dab some walnut stain on what I've got hooked of the sheep so far..

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And lastly... I've been "keeping" Amish Friendship Bread started for some time now...I was given the started by my DIL Hannah a few weeks ago, made bread and started more batches and now today here is what I made...  Sadly I only have 1 bread pan...Used a small square casserole dish and a vintage small glass bread pan of my Daughter Ashley's...I've been wanting to get all new bakeware ...I've lent out, gave away and lost or broken so much of my stuff...geesh..well here is the goods, and 4 bags of starter set aside...

Here is the bread....in all of it's moist , cinnamonny goodness !!

And...since we love this bread so much and I think it's fun to keep the started and give it away and so on...I typed it out, added some old timey embellishments...then used grungy Modge Podge , brushed it on and punched a hole in it and I keep it hung on the side of my big handmade cabinet in the kitchen...
Here are the 4 starters and the recipe :

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Ok.......all done !! Have a good night all !!

Robin